I wish I could tell you that going to Chiromo lane for diagnosis and therapy helped. I wish I could tell you that after I was discharged I got better exponentially, that life for some strange reason looked better, that I smiled wherever I went to, that the demons didn’t come knocking again but baby, they did,i cried and I’ve had breakdowns too.
“How’s your heart today?”
Don’t ask me that if you aren’t ready for the truth cause it’ll crush you. A friend asked me that couple of days ago and I couldn’t quite put my hand on what was bothering me. I just felt disinterested, sleepy but not angry. I was having a breakdown. Again. For the umpteenth time. Trust me at this point we can’t even keep tabs on the number of breakdowns we’ve had.
Let’s head back to Chiromo lane, shall we?
I was admitted for a couple of days, saw a psychiatrist-before today I was scared of seeing a psychiatrist- she was amazing,honest and straight forward, but above all willing to help. Well before you get there, she can’t help you if you’re not honest. So first I was willing to get help and I did, though it didn’t change anything much it changed my focus in life. Showed me the important things and I learnt how to cope before getting into a ditch.
One thing she said striked me,
“…You’re a grown up, with an ability to make decisions, there is nothing much I can do to help but I would love for you to know that you’ve been shown how not to live, that doesn’t give you a right to kill yourself, It gives you the power to change the world...”
These words walk with me everyday. I’ve met people like me. Who are resilient to say the least. People who’s life story sounds like one of those sad movies but they still thrive. That in itself is a testimony. I’m a walking testimony, you are a walking truth,so how about you own it ?
Therapy may not always give you the answers you seek. If you’re waiting for me to tell you that bipolar or depression will just disappear in a day after seeing the therapist, then I’m sorry to burst your bubble. It won’t. Bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety and PTSD is my reality. I make it beautiful by being there for anyone like me and cheering on the fighters. What’s your reality ?
Therapy sessions are meant to educate us about what we’re going through but not heal. Healing largely depends on what you want. Living healthy keeps the demons locked away but you’ve got to keep a clean circle of friends too.. People who don’t trigger you unnecessarily.
I’m wishing you healing. Praying that you’re able to shift your focus onto things that will make you feel blessed.
What has trauma taught you about resilience?